Bri Blahg… Helping People, That’s What I Do. Music News Round Up: 9/9/09

9 09 2009

by Brian Phillips (@BrianBlahg)

That’s A Good Question Bri

Can you still be gangsta after going on Oprah? In fairness to Jay Z he is promoting his Friday charity concert. To help Jay maintain his hardness, here’s his mugshot courtesy The Smoking Gun:

Jay Z Wishing He Was At A Grizzly Bear Concert

That was snapped by NYPD in 1999 after Jay Z’s arrest on charges he stabbed a record executive. He probably had it coming right.

The Good News Is, I Now Know Who The Hell You Are

Rapper Max B (full disclosure, I had no idea who this guy was until today. See Max B knew exactly what he was doing) had 75 years dropped on his noggin last week for a robbery gone very bad. Bonus irony: It seems Max B had just extricated himself from a bad contract. Don’t worry about Max though, he’s just signed a new long term deal.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuude A Super Group For Crystal Meth Enthusiasts

Here’s all you need to know about the music business. According to this piece a music industry executive suggested to a member of God hesher band P.O.D. that he team up with a dude booted out of Papa Roach. Now they’ve added someone jettisoned from Chevelle, and a clown that won Rock Star Supernova. What do you get from this Yalta Conference of high fives, bong hits, and vacant stares? I’m guessing a pig pile of suckitude, but your mileage may vary. Here’s a maxim you need to take to heart:SUPERGROUPS ALWAYS SUCK!

Exhibit A. Damn Yankees (Ted Nugent with members of Styx and Night Ranger. Holy butt pucker Batgirl)

Exhibit B. Bad English. (Members of Journey and John Waite. Kill Me Now.)

If it turns out that Them Crooked Vultures are great I will amend the above. There is at this point insufficient evidence to render judgement.

Lil’ Wayne, Put Down The Cough Syrup And Listen

Here’s what should give Lil’ Wayne pause as he ponders releasing his oft delayed rock masterwork “Rebirth.” His last tour grossed $42 Million dollars. Wayne…. baby, come on. I’m betting of that $42 Million, $37.28 came from people drawn to your shows by the wretched “Prom Queen.”

My guess? When “Rebirth” drops it will be at least 75% Dirty South hip hop.

Bonus Coverage: Speaking of Dirty South hip hop, here’s the greatest ever Dirty South jam “Bitch U Ride The Marta Bus!”

They Don’t Get Paid To Talk

Black Rebel Motor Cycle Club have partnered with Vagrant and started their own label after four criminally ignored major label albums. First up is a live record and DVD.

I interviewed BMRC once. They must have been really tired because all they wanted to sit on the floor and mumble. I can’t find the tape, but this will give you a feel for how it went.

Scarlett Johansson Is Totally Going To Scratch Her Eyeballs Out

Just as Scarlett Johanson dropped her record with Pete Yorn this week, comes word that Charlotte Gainsbourg has made an album with Beck. This is way too much pressure on Scarlett who already has to deal with Zooey Deschannel with M. Ward.

Bonus Coverage: Here are some suggestions for future Johanson partners:

1. Jack White (Jack will work with anyone and everyone, and eventually will)
2. Dave Grohl (Just let Dave play the drums, that’s really all he wants to do anyway…. Also invite members of Black Metal bands to join in. Grohl loves Black Metal.)
3. Eddie Vedder (Eddie does not do projects like this, but he will for you Scarlett)
4. Tom Waits (Tom has no idea who you are, and he doesn’t care. That makes it cool. Hell you already made a record of nothing but Waits covers so what the hell.)
5. Elvis Costello (I saw Elvis sing with Jenny Lewis at Bonnaroo. Jenny is cute, but come on she’s no Scarlett Johanson… bitch)
6. M. Ward (Just take him… yeah you’re way hotter than Zooey.)

I’m exhausted from helping so many people, but I must carry on.

Find A Need And Fill It, That’s What My Dad Always Says

Dad Bri Blahg was talking about business, but his advise holds true anywhere. If you’re like me, you’ve tried in vain to make sense of Courtney Love’s insane blahg blathering over the years. Other than deciphering that Ryan Adams used her Am Ex card to record his “Rock N Roll” album, I’ve felt like an Egyptologist in King Tut’s tomb. Now thanks to Twitter, it’s Courtney Love Translated.

And just in time too. Courtney Translated reports the Kurt Kobain Guitar Hero Avatar was not approved by the Kobain estate and she is suing.

Bonus Coverage: That didn’t stop Courtney from this bow shot at the good ship Dave Grohl:

funny, you don’t see them trying to make an avatar of dave grohl because NOBODY LIKES THE FOO FIGHTERS.

Honey you might as well be boxing an imaginary Michael Spinks in an abandoned duplex because Grohl never takes the bait, and he won’t start now.

Against Me Take On The All Important Follow Up

“New Wave” was Spin Magazine’s 2007 “Album Of The Year.” Ben Lee even did a song for song cover. Now Against Me are hard at work on follow up. Good luck men.

Now I Can Avoid Them Both At The Same Time

Taking Back Sunday and All-American Rejects have touched knuckles and invoked Wonder Twin Powers.

“Form Of Crap” indeed.

Not To Be Outdone By TBS and AAR

Wolfmother and The Killers felt it necessary to cover an Animals tune together.

You’ve Reached The Office Of Snoop Dogg. I’m Not In Right Now. I Mean Come On, I’m Snoop Dogg

It’s nice to see someone getting some work in this economy. EMI has hired Snoop Dogg to save their ass from oblivion… er um… as something called “Creative Chairman Of Priority Records.” They put the word “creative” in there so he could hoot down some serious bluntage on the clock.

Bonus Coverage: At Lollapalooza this year, when Snoop came on I was walking across Grant Park to see Lou Reed and thousands were literally in a dead sprint toward Snoop as one of his MC’s exhorted the people to “put your motherfucking arms in the motherfucking air.” It was like the call to prayer in Mecca, only with way more boobs and shirtless dudes. Snoop has that power.

Snoop’s First Order Of Business

Yesterday Paul McCartney blamed EMI for The Beatles not being available for legal download. Now EMI is doing what any self respecting corporation would do, shifting the blame right back on the Beatles.

They Should Dress LaToya Up As Michael

Janet Jackson is working up a tribute to her late brother for the MTV Video Music Awards. I’m still not going to watch it.

Bonus Coverage: Did you know that in Canada they have “The Feminist Porn Awards?” Every year hopefuls vie for the coveted “Glass Butt Plug.” No I didn’t just make that up.

Told you.

This Man Also Hates Awards Shows

At Lollapalooza last month, James Allan of Glasvegas told me through his very thick Scottish burr that he didn’t give a shit about being nominated for The Mercury Prize. Guess he wasn’t kidding. He went missing so he wouldn’t have to attend. At least he eventually phoned in to say he was fine.

They Didn’t Win Anyway

Speech Debelle did. Brooklyn Vegan has more on Miss Debelle.

Madonna Kills 15 People

In Bulgaria the Eastern Orthodox Church is blaming Madonna for a boating accident that killed 15 people. I’d like to blame Madonna for “Shanghai Surprise.”




3 responses

9 09 2009
David Michaels

Supergroups do always suck!

12 09 2009

Very nice site!

18 09 2009
E Mon

Jay-z New Album Blue Print 3 is a classic
blueprint 3 classic

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