Bri Blahg…. Kiss Versus The Space Ace

20 08 2009

by Brian Phillips (@BrianBlahg)


Kiss' New Album "Sonic Boom"

Ah cripes, the new Kiss song is out today, and I’m going to listen to it. “Modern Day Delilah” is from their forthcoming album… wait for it…. “Sonic Boom.” Do you get the idea that Paul has been holding on to that album title for 30 or so years just waiting for the right time?

“I got the title boys…..”

Gene doesn’t give a crap, and the other guys aren’t even really in Kiss. Paul could have called it “My Chest Hair Is Transplanted From Gene’s Balls” and Gene wouldn’t have cared as long as he could slap the title on condoms, coffee mugs, and coffins.

Anyway you can share the joy with me here.

I’ll be honest, my fear was Gene had figured out a way to tap directly into my bank account or Paypal and charge me for listening, but near as I can tell it was free. You don’t even have to form your own thoughts about it either because only Kiss would review their own music:

Paul: “This Is Kiss. Classic Kiss!”
Gene: “Best Kiss In 30 Years.”
Tommy Thayer: (Who the hell is Tommy Thayer?): “You’re Gonna Love It!”
Eric Singer (ok fine he’s a better drummer than Peter Criss): “No Ballads, No Slow Songs, No Filler”

That’s right fuck knobs, no filler! That’s like when you see an ad for dog food and they have a new recipe and they tell you “no filler.” My reaction is always “you mean there was filler before?” I know cynical.

Emerging unscathed from 1989, the song is pure poodle metal. It has a passable riff I suppose. Paul takes the lead vocal and strains to reach some notes I don’t think he could hit during their heyday. Kind of like “Heavens On Fire,” remember that one? If I’m ever hooked up to life support and start to flat line, I want that part of “Delilah” to play so the nurses will come running. (I hope the nurses are wearing those old fashioned white nurse dresses and those cute little hats. My wife is a nurse and they don’t wear that shit anymore.)

Lyrically the song has the obligatory Kiss gun/penis metaphor. Removing any doubt Paul bellows “Just Like A Loaded Gun.” (Actually my favorite Kiss/dick metaphor does not involve fire arms, but rather fire wood. Gene’s “Let Me Put My Log In Your Fireplace” is still number one in my book. I forget what song that was… “Burn Bitch Burn?” That’s my guess.) Anyway Delilah is a Biblical figure from the book of Judges. She betrayed Samson by getting him to admit that the source of all his strength came from his vow to God not to cut his hair. When he fell asleep she had some barbers give him a trim, and then she betrayed Samson to his enemies. Gene and Paul don’t have to worry about this scenario because they can just take off their hair and hang it on the bed post at night.

So there you have it “Modern Day Delilah” the first single from “Sonic Boom.” I’m happy to report exiled original Kiss lead guitar player Ace Frehley beat Kiss to the punch with his own new song. Space Ace’s latest joint is called “Outer Space.” Check it:

I’m sorry Gene, Paul, and the other two guys, but Ace buries you with this one. It’s way heavier, and the premise is way cooler, modern, and dare I say apocalyptic. In “Outer Space” Ace sings that he came from outer space (“that’s how I know your name”) and, tiring of any planet that would sustain Gene and Paul, he expresses his desire to escape to other worlds with his love. Yes Gene, Paul, thing 1 and thing 2 check and mate.

Ace’s album “Anomaly” will be available in mid September on every planet in the solar system. “Sonic Boom” on the other hand will only be available at Wal Mart October 9. I’m sure Gene talked Wal Mart in to buying a bunch of other shit from him too.




One response

21 08 2009
Bri Blahg… Music News Round Up Friday August 21, 2009 « 2009 Festival Season

[…] the name, just find a couple of other jerks that fit the suits and hire them. Hey it worked for Kiss. No one will know the […]

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